that seems to be the theme of this year so far. everyone and their neighbour is sick. constantly. including myself, which is not only terribly annoying, but also quite worrysome.
i have a really bad phlegmy cough for 4 (!!) weeks now, and my voice is gone. it´s just terrible. yesterday i finally went to the doctor and she did nothing to calm me down, but referred my to a specialist - where i am due monday at quarter to eight which is a weird time for an appointment, don´t you think?- who will check out the reason why i can´t talk. the big c was in the room. not a good feeling, let me tell you.
especially since my mil is now for the third time in as many years in treatment for cancer. this time the bastardly cowards are in her brain and spine.i don´t think she will be with us this years christmas and it breaks my heart. i am ever so greatful that she is such a strong believer. anyone else would have horded the pain medication long ago and just ended this horrible agony. but not our hannah. she is strong. full of faith. she might long to be with the lord but she knows what she wants while she is still with us, and that is to be with her family and to see her grandkids as long as she is able. i adore her for that. and i wish
well, a lot to be frank.
there is another one who will not be here anymore come christmas and that is my grandpa. he is my dads father.
a big man.
a loving man.
a silent man.
a good man.
he is 94 years old. he only has one lung left. and his kidneys don´t want him to be with us anymore. he´s an dialyses every secound day. we will have one last summer.
his wife is living in her own world of dementia.
my other gran, who survived the death of her husband has -suspected by her doctor, nobody is going to do an mri, she is just to frail for that - liver cancer. she is constantly tired. she won´t eat. i love her so much. she was always like grannies are supposed to be in the stories. full of warmth. and love. and apple pie.
and so i am crying again. as i did so many times in this year already.
this is going to be a hard year.
