everything is in a state of flux, still it remains the same.
the best husband of all is driving his mom to radiation. the doctors are quite cryptic and nobody knows whats really going on, which is unnerving as one can imagine.
i was diagnosed with a bad inflamation of the vocal chords. it won´t bugde. i can´t properly speak. or sing. or read stories to the littles. that counts as quite bad however you look at it.
easter is over and the lord lives.
my birthday is over. i will be 33 now for the next 5 years.
i am tired.
Dienstag
Samstag
sick
that seems to be the theme of this year so far. everyone and their neighbour is sick. constantly. including myself, which is not only terribly annoying, but also quite worrysome.
i have a really bad phlegmy cough for 4 (!!) weeks now, and my voice is gone. it´s just terrible. yesterday i finally went to the doctor and she did nothing to calm me down, but referred my to a specialist - where i am due monday at quarter to eight which is a weird time for an appointment, don´t you think?- who will check out the reason why i can´t talk. the big c was in the room. not a good feeling, let me tell you.
especially since my mil is now for the third time in as many years in treatment for cancer. this time the bastardly cowards are in her brain and spine.i don´t think she will be with us this years christmas and it breaks my heart. i am ever so greatful that she is such a strong believer. anyone else would have horded the pain medication long ago and just ended this horrible agony. but not our hannah. she is strong. full of faith. she might long to be with the lord but she knows what she wants while she is still with us, and that is to be with her family and to see her grandkids as long as she is able. i adore her for that. and i wish
well, a lot to be frank.
there is another one who will not be here anymore come christmas and that is my grandpa. he is my dads father.
a big man.
a loving man.
a silent man.
a good man.
he is 94 years old. he only has one lung left. and his kidneys don´t want him to be with us anymore. he´s an dialyses every secound day. we will have one last summer.
his wife is living in her own world of dementia.
my other gran, who survived the death of her husband has -suspected by her doctor, nobody is going to do an mri, she is just to frail for that - liver cancer. she is constantly tired. she won´t eat. i love her so much. she was always like grannies are supposed to be in the stories. full of warmth. and love. and apple pie.
and so i am crying again. as i did so many times in this year already.
this is going to be a hard year.
i have a really bad phlegmy cough for 4 (!!) weeks now, and my voice is gone. it´s just terrible. yesterday i finally went to the doctor and she did nothing to calm me down, but referred my to a specialist - where i am due monday at quarter to eight which is a weird time for an appointment, don´t you think?- who will check out the reason why i can´t talk. the big c was in the room. not a good feeling, let me tell you.
especially since my mil is now for the third time in as many years in treatment for cancer. this time the bastardly cowards are in her brain and spine.i don´t think she will be with us this years christmas and it breaks my heart. i am ever so greatful that she is such a strong believer. anyone else would have horded the pain medication long ago and just ended this horrible agony. but not our hannah. she is strong. full of faith. she might long to be with the lord but she knows what she wants while she is still with us, and that is to be with her family and to see her grandkids as long as she is able. i adore her for that. and i wish
well, a lot to be frank.
there is another one who will not be here anymore come christmas and that is my grandpa. he is my dads father.
a big man.
a loving man.
a silent man.
a good man.
he is 94 years old. he only has one lung left. and his kidneys don´t want him to be with us anymore. he´s an dialyses every secound day. we will have one last summer.
his wife is living in her own world of dementia.
my other gran, who survived the death of her husband has -suspected by her doctor, nobody is going to do an mri, she is just to frail for that - liver cancer. she is constantly tired. she won´t eat. i love her so much. she was always like grannies are supposed to be in the stories. full of warmth. and love. and apple pie.
and so i am crying again. as i did so many times in this year already.
this is going to be a hard year.
Montag
So sorry...
I am so sorry for not writing regulary or, you know, at all.
Life is just hectic and in the odd evening i have some time to myself i just can`t.
So, this is what happened:
Life is just hectic and in the odd evening i have some time to myself i just can`t.
So, this is what happened:
- the twins go to kindergarten. and are sick. constantly. it is very depressing
- baby girl is the sweetest thing there is - i might be biased - but she needs to be hold nearly constantly. that`s sometimes harder than it sounds
- she still has no teeth. this makes me sigh in relief, since she is still nursing strongly.
- on a side note, i get asked constantly how long i intend on keeping up nursing my sweet bean. what`s up with that??
- the teenager is so hard to be around. it is just embarassing. for everyone
- the kids got a piano for christmas. now i need a harsh russian piano teacher
- christmas was just magical. it is and always will be my favorite holiday
- we got ALL THE KIDS batized in the first week of january. (this is going to be a post of it`s own. if i ever get to that...) let`s just say it`s pretty hard if you have very little money
- a new year started! exiting as this is, it is also the year where we have to juggle a lot of stuff i really don`t care for
Abonnieren
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